I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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