We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
