Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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