Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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