You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize