Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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