We're facebook friends in real life
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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