At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
