You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
