Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize