We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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