im drinking this country out of the recession.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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