i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
