Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
