just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
