your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
