The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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