New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
