I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
