I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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