Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
