All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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