Yo dont text me then not text me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
