need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Jerry, you need to find god
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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