I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
