Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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