When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
