Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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