Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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