i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
