Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
