We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
