I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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