hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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