You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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