and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
