Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
