So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
