Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
