I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Enjoy the penises
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
