Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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