oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
