did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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