Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
vagina is talking i cant
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
