hell yes lets make some ravioli
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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