that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
