I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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