I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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