It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize