people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
