apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
