I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
