I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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