They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
