if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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