I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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