Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
