so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
