I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize