It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
