i just had sex bonerless
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
