If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize