The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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