We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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