Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
