just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
