apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
