WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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