You're my little dorito
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
