OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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