ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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