so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
