You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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